“Hi, my name is Jackie Burns, and I’m a journalist writing an article on this event. Do you have a second to answer a few questions?”
Riding the El last weekend, a bag of expensive reporter equipment slung over my shoulder and my Starbucks in hand, I had a flash of myself in 5 years, an actual journalist, doing the same things I’m doing now. I covered a high school football team and interviewed the mom of the captain of the cheer-leading team and felt, for the first time at Northwestern, that I was actively performing the exact tasks that I will do for my job. Getting permission from my instructor to cut the word “student” from my introduction made everyone 50 times more willing to talk to me (which is psychologically amusing) and made me feel much more professional. One of the cheerleaders did ask me if they were all going to be rich and famous. My answer? “When I get rich and famous, you guys will be too!” Journalists don’t go in for the fame or the money and if those are your goals, you need to get out now, before it’s too late.
But, snapping pictures with one hand, holding my audio recorder with the other, and my video camera set up on a step taping the game and talking to the spectators, I had another realization. Coming in as a freshman, I was somehow under the impression that the next four years would prepare me to be a journalist and give me all the knowledge I needed and that, when I graduated, I would know exactly what I was doing. But last weekend, it hit me that I will never, ever know what I’m doing. It’s kind of like growing up: when you’re a little kid, you think that once you grow up, you’ll somehow have a map of all the right things in your head. You won’t be confused or lost or not know what the right decision might be. But I’m already almost 20 and I still don’t have that map. You don’t automatically know the right decision, but the experience that you have makes you able to pretend like you might. Journalism is even more extreme, though. There is so much unpredictability, so many surprises. I read articles and realize that the reporters that write for the New York Times really have no more “knowledge” than I do. When I graduate, I will be just the same confused, lost girl, but I’ll be able to fake it a little better. I don’t think there will ever be an interview or a situation where I will show up and feel that I am positive I know what I’m doing. But each article I write, each video that I record gives me a little bit more experience to add to my bag of tricks. And all that matters is that I can fool the people that I’m interviewing into thinking that I actually know what I’m doing… confidence trumps book-knowledge any day of the week.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Reflections after my Freshman Year...
Things I’ve learned during my first year of college –
1. I never actually knew what it meant to be busy until this year.
2. Children are an incredible gift from God and can teach us so much about unconditional love and simplicity. So often, a glimpse into the world of crayons, playgrounds, and dress-up can help us to take a step backward and reevaluate our grown-up life.
3. The best ideas come at 3 in the morning.
4. I function best when I am trying to help others. I am willing to do things for other people that I would be incredibly intimidated to do on my own.
5. Never trust an iPod voice recorder to ACTUALLY be recording your interviews.
6. Little things are so much less important than I ever could have imagined. In the grand scheme of things, does it actually matter if someone is not speaking to you? I’ve learned only to care about the opinions of those who are dear to me.
7. Dining halls = death.
8. Emotional independence is an incredible thing, never to be undervalued and something that I will always strive after, even when (if?) I am dating someone again.
9. Coffee is an efficient sleep replacer. A Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte = approximately 2 hours of sleep.
10. I really, truly love acting.
11. The friends that you love the most are those who love you in spite of yourself.
12. “Death”, “brains,” “there is NO way of knowing,” and “who DOES that?” are all extremely acceptable exclamations.
13. I would much rather write a 15 page paper than take a final.
14. It’s ok to question your faith. Or, at least, it’s better than the alternative – ignoring it. God will see you through your questions and meet you at the other side.
15. The world is SO BIG and I want to see ALL of it.
16. I function best when my classes start at 9 AM.
17. Worship is an incredibly important part of my relationship with God. I have difficulties when I have to pick a good worship experience or a good sermon – but RUF takes care of the good sermon bit for me, which is useful.
18. 1-minute microwaveable rice can, in fact, sustain you for days at a time.
19. I have an unshakeable work ethic and propensity for studying. It can get me through classes which I have no business taking. That, and that alone, is what keeps me in a school this good.
20. Intellectual stimulation is the best thing ever!
21. Vacuuming is an important thing to remember to do.
22. I am more passionate than even I thought I was, more goal-oriented, and more driven. This can make it difficult to understand people who are less driven, less sure than I am. But, this makes me so sure of what I want to do that I would tear down brick walls with my fingernails if that was what would get me there.
23. RTA Trip Planner is an irreplaceable thing. With it, I can go anywhere and do anything.
24. I can take any crisis in stride, even in the middle of night. (Case in point: my roommate woke me up with the words: ‘Jackie, there’s a fire, we need to leave.’ I hopped up, threw on a sweatshirt and shoes, and ran out the door before I even woke up.)
25. Jumping up and down, dancing, and singing loudly are all things that are good for the soul, especially after finals.
26. Life is an adventure. Never expect for things to be smooth and normal, because then it would just get boring. Living on the edge of insanity is better than being bored.
27. I look at things that other people declare absolutely impossible and proceed to go and prove them wrong.
28. I love, love, love, love working with video and audio. I love messing with the levels, I love cutting things together and making the quarter-milliseconds line up exactly.
29. Every single person has a big, black secret or problem in their life- something that makes them who they are, something that hurts them. You think life isn’t like that, that it’s only that way in books, but actually, that is not true at all. No one on this planet is completely whole and undamaged. This world needs a Savior so much.
30. I am talented at learning languages!
31. I will be mean to service personnel if it means I can get what I want. (I think I come by that one honestly… :))
32. I treasure my relationships with my parents and my siblings and the wonderful childhood and adolescence I had beyond almost anything else in this world.
33. My life is not made up of ONE defining moment, but rather hundreds of them. Thus, any single event can do no more than slightly steer the course of my life. Nothing can absolutely derail me.
34. There is no challenge in life that is so big that I cannot overcome it with God’s help. Nothing that the world can throw at me will do more than momentarily distract me from living my life to the best of my abilities, glorifying God in all that I do. I can recover from anything, go anywhere, attain any goal in life. I have faith that God could use me to change my little corner of the world.
1. I never actually knew what it meant to be busy until this year.
2. Children are an incredible gift from God and can teach us so much about unconditional love and simplicity. So often, a glimpse into the world of crayons, playgrounds, and dress-up can help us to take a step backward and reevaluate our grown-up life.
3. The best ideas come at 3 in the morning.
4. I function best when I am trying to help others. I am willing to do things for other people that I would be incredibly intimidated to do on my own.
5. Never trust an iPod voice recorder to ACTUALLY be recording your interviews.
6. Little things are so much less important than I ever could have imagined. In the grand scheme of things, does it actually matter if someone is not speaking to you? I’ve learned only to care about the opinions of those who are dear to me.
7. Dining halls = death.
8. Emotional independence is an incredible thing, never to be undervalued and something that I will always strive after, even when (if?) I am dating someone again.
9. Coffee is an efficient sleep replacer. A Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte = approximately 2 hours of sleep.
10. I really, truly love acting.
11. The friends that you love the most are those who love you in spite of yourself.
12. “Death”, “brains,” “there is NO way of knowing,” and “who DOES that?” are all extremely acceptable exclamations.
13. I would much rather write a 15 page paper than take a final.
14. It’s ok to question your faith. Or, at least, it’s better than the alternative – ignoring it. God will see you through your questions and meet you at the other side.
15. The world is SO BIG and I want to see ALL of it.
16. I function best when my classes start at 9 AM.
17. Worship is an incredibly important part of my relationship with God. I have difficulties when I have to pick a good worship experience or a good sermon – but RUF takes care of the good sermon bit for me, which is useful.
18. 1-minute microwaveable rice can, in fact, sustain you for days at a time.
19. I have an unshakeable work ethic and propensity for studying. It can get me through classes which I have no business taking. That, and that alone, is what keeps me in a school this good.
20. Intellectual stimulation is the best thing ever!
21. Vacuuming is an important thing to remember to do.
22. I am more passionate than even I thought I was, more goal-oriented, and more driven. This can make it difficult to understand people who are less driven, less sure than I am. But, this makes me so sure of what I want to do that I would tear down brick walls with my fingernails if that was what would get me there.
23. RTA Trip Planner is an irreplaceable thing. With it, I can go anywhere and do anything.
24. I can take any crisis in stride, even in the middle of night. (Case in point: my roommate woke me up with the words: ‘Jackie, there’s a fire, we need to leave.’ I hopped up, threw on a sweatshirt and shoes, and ran out the door before I even woke up.)
25. Jumping up and down, dancing, and singing loudly are all things that are good for the soul, especially after finals.
26. Life is an adventure. Never expect for things to be smooth and normal, because then it would just get boring. Living on the edge of insanity is better than being bored.
27. I look at things that other people declare absolutely impossible and proceed to go and prove them wrong.
28. I love, love, love, love working with video and audio. I love messing with the levels, I love cutting things together and making the quarter-milliseconds line up exactly.
29. Every single person has a big, black secret or problem in their life- something that makes them who they are, something that hurts them. You think life isn’t like that, that it’s only that way in books, but actually, that is not true at all. No one on this planet is completely whole and undamaged. This world needs a Savior so much.
30. I am talented at learning languages!
31. I will be mean to service personnel if it means I can get what I want. (I think I come by that one honestly… :))
32. I treasure my relationships with my parents and my siblings and the wonderful childhood and adolescence I had beyond almost anything else in this world.
33. My life is not made up of ONE defining moment, but rather hundreds of them. Thus, any single event can do no more than slightly steer the course of my life. Nothing can absolutely derail me.
34. There is no challenge in life that is so big that I cannot overcome it with God’s help. Nothing that the world can throw at me will do more than momentarily distract me from living my life to the best of my abilities, glorifying God in all that I do. I can recover from anything, go anywhere, attain any goal in life. I have faith that God could use me to change my little corner of the world.
Friday, May 8, 2009
So much more than just coffee..
Whether it's a grande skinny vanilla latte or a tall-medium-roast-in-a-grande-cup, Starbucks has definitely become a huge part of my life in college. People accuse Starbucks of being a cult, and that's totally true. They create personalized drinks for the few who understand how to work the system. Extra hot? No foam? No whip? Extra squirts of flavor? Half-decaf? For the ordinary passer by who just wants a CUP OF COFFEE, Starbucks is not the ideal place (also, their regular brew tastes like mud. I get the tall-in-the-grande-cup so then I can enough milk in it to make it taste decent. And when you're using the calorie-conscious skim milk, that's a lot). You have to learn how to say the right (and strange) words that will make your drink perfect every time. Who knew that just saying the word "skinny" could cut the calories of your drink in half? Coming from a post-communist, highly controlled country, the amount of choices that you have just to pick what type of coffee you want is slightly ridiculous. If I were a more adventuresome person, I would try every single combination of words and try countless flavors of drinks. But I am a person of extreme habit (thanks, Dad :)), and venturing beyond my two drinks of choice is always a challenge. I am currently enjoying a Friday treat, though: grande no whip coffee light frap, because it's just too beautiful outside to drink something hot (and I already had my Seattle's Best coffee this morning). Occasionally, I'll get a grande non fat chai tea latte, because it's Dani's favorite (though I laugh every single time I say I would like a "chai tea"). But as wonderful as it is, and as much as I feel proud of myself for conquering the system in order to get the right flavor and amount of calories that I want in my coffee, I am definitely looking forward to next year, when I will have a coffee machine in our apartment and I will be able to make myself simple, cheap coffee whenever I want. And really, that's all I need.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Discussions
After an eye-opening day in the south side of Chicago yesterday, I returned to have a very intense conversation with Tricia about how the American culture perceives race, what steps they are taking to ensure equality, and how those steps are actually backfiring and underlining the differences between different ethnic groups. It was definitely my most fascinating conversation of the week (and I found out something new about American culture and things that are NOT acceptable to say that I had no idea about). Having grown up in Kazakhstan, where everything is so different and race is perceived in a completely alien way to the way Americans understand things, it's been great for me to learn more about the difficulties in America. I honestly do not perceive race (my mother can attest to that - when I'll be describing someone, she'll ask me if they were Kazakh or Russian ... and I will have no idea. I just don't think that way) and my lifelong desire to be anything besides American (because being American was too "boring" for me) probably says something about my internal preferences. (I would no longer kill to be Canadian, but when I was 12, that was the ultimate country.) Last night, I came to the conclusion that, in my mind, cultural and cultural heritage is extremely important and should be preserved, however race is not always an accurate indicator of culture. (Perhaps this links somewhat to my own life and situation, but I was also thinking of all the Asian friends that I have here who have grown up in Florida or LA) But how America as a country could move from identifying people as "people of color" to "people of culture", I don't know.
I also realized last night that I need to learn to debate. I have a slight issue in that, when people question the moral or cultural principles that I believe in most strongly, I get so angry that anyone could even call those ideas into question that my impassioned convincing is not the most effective. (Strangely enough, I don't feel as angry when people question the existence of God, etc. Maybe that's because I've been trained to teach in that area, but not in others.) Northwestern offers a speech and debate class, I think, but sadly the three majors that I am trying to turn out don't leave room for many (read: ANY) "extra" classes.
I also realized last night that I need to learn to debate. I have a slight issue in that, when people question the moral or cultural principles that I believe in most strongly, I get so angry that anyone could even call those ideas into question that my impassioned convincing is not the most effective. (Strangely enough, I don't feel as angry when people question the existence of God, etc. Maybe that's because I've been trained to teach in that area, but not in others.) Northwestern offers a speech and debate class, I think, but sadly the three majors that I am trying to turn out don't leave room for many (read: ANY) "extra" classes.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Days of My Life
Dear Jacqueline M Burns,
The Undergraduate Research Grants Committee (URGC) has completed its
review of over 200 proposals for the 2009 Summer Grants. As chair of
the Committee, I am pleased to inform you that your proposal [20080181]
received favorable review. Thus, by this letter you are awarded a
Northwestern University Summer Undergraduate Research Grant in the
amount noted below intended to cover research and living expenses for
the summer of 2009.
According to URGC policy, in order to accept this grant you must agree
to devote at least eight (8) summer weeks of full-time (40 hours per
week) work to your project. Furthermore, you must agree not to
entertain other sources of employment or income during the 2009 summer
without prior approval by URGC.
...
After obsessively checking my email from 9 am to 3 pm on Friday (literally, every 5 minutes.. oh the wonders of the iPhone!), I received the above email. The amount of screaming and jumping up and down that subsequently ensued was possibly the most of any in my life (it felt like getting in to college all over again). I started screaming, "IGOTMYGRANTAAAHHHHHIGOTMYGRANT!!!!" and Suz spun my around in circles in the lounge. My roommate came rushing out of our room down the hall, asking frantically who was being attacked by a dog, but once she realized what was going on, joined in my excitement. I called my parents, texted all my friends and then went out to celebrate with my dear friends. I still cannot believe how blessed I am.
For those of you who are not sure what all this means, at the end of winter quarter, I applied for Northwestern's Undergraduate Research Grant, which is a grant of $3000 awarded to select students who propose to complete some sort of research project over the summer. My topic is the Gulag and the Soviet family- I want to explore the effect of the Gulag (Soviet concentration camps) on the family unit and record the stories of people who were directly affected by the Gulag. The stories of these people are NOT being told - an entire chapter of history is missing, as I see it. I spent an entire month and countless hours researching and writing my proposal (I submitted draft number 9 and read possibly 15 books), which is part of the reason winter quarter was the craziest time of my life. I invested so much of myself into this project that my proposal felt like my child. (The only thing I have ever felt as attached to was my college application essay.) These grants are awarded primarily to juniors and sometimes sophomores - I was told more than once that my topic was great, but I was a freshman, so I had better just come back next year and apply because my chances would be so much better. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out that I had made it, and had proved all the pessimists wrong. I still can't help randomly grinning from ear to ear and muttering under my breath, "Haha, I got my grant!" My summer is going to be absolutely and utterly perfect.
Life is sweet right now.. I love my university, I love the opportunities that are given to me, I am so thankful that I am here and nowhere else in the world, and I am amazingly excited for this summer and my research project!
The Undergraduate Research Grants Committee (URGC) has completed its
review of over 200 proposals for the 2009 Summer Grants. As chair of
the Committee, I am pleased to inform you that your proposal [20080181]
received favorable review. Thus, by this letter you are awarded a
Northwestern University Summer Undergraduate Research Grant in the
amount noted below intended to cover research and living expenses for
the summer of 2009.
According to URGC policy, in order to accept this grant you must agree
to devote at least eight (8) summer weeks of full-time (40 hours per
week) work to your project. Furthermore, you must agree not to
entertain other sources of employment or income during the 2009 summer
without prior approval by URGC.
...
After obsessively checking my email from 9 am to 3 pm on Friday (literally, every 5 minutes.. oh the wonders of the iPhone!), I received the above email. The amount of screaming and jumping up and down that subsequently ensued was possibly the most of any in my life (it felt like getting in to college all over again). I started screaming, "IGOTMYGRANTAAAHHHHHIGOTMYGRANT!!!!" and Suz spun my around in circles in the lounge. My roommate came rushing out of our room down the hall, asking frantically who was being attacked by a dog, but once she realized what was going on, joined in my excitement. I called my parents, texted all my friends and then went out to celebrate with my dear friends. I still cannot believe how blessed I am.
For those of you who are not sure what all this means, at the end of winter quarter, I applied for Northwestern's Undergraduate Research Grant, which is a grant of $3000 awarded to select students who propose to complete some sort of research project over the summer. My topic is the Gulag and the Soviet family- I want to explore the effect of the Gulag (Soviet concentration camps) on the family unit and record the stories of people who were directly affected by the Gulag. The stories of these people are NOT being told - an entire chapter of history is missing, as I see it. I spent an entire month and countless hours researching and writing my proposal (I submitted draft number 9 and read possibly 15 books), which is part of the reason winter quarter was the craziest time of my life. I invested so much of myself into this project that my proposal felt like my child. (The only thing I have ever felt as attached to was my college application essay.) These grants are awarded primarily to juniors and sometimes sophomores - I was told more than once that my topic was great, but I was a freshman, so I had better just come back next year and apply because my chances would be so much better. So you can imagine my excitement when I found out that I had made it, and had proved all the pessimists wrong. I still can't help randomly grinning from ear to ear and muttering under my breath, "Haha, I got my grant!" My summer is going to be absolutely and utterly perfect.
Life is sweet right now.. I love my university, I love the opportunities that are given to me, I am so thankful that I am here and nowhere else in the world, and I am amazingly excited for this summer and my research project!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentine's Day with RUF
I just returned from an incredible weekend where God touched my life in so many ways and through so many people. To be absolutely honest, I dreaded this Valentine's Day, the first time I had been single on February 14th since I was 14. But the day was spent with my friends, relaxing and actually doing crazy things. I was removed from "the world" and was spared the crazy people running around with flowers and could really just have fun with my friends. RUF got major points in my book for having 2 fun games (much better than the fall) AND insanely fun sledding. (Need I say that there were two girls who were termed "extremists".. and that I was one of them?) It didn't matter that until the night before there had been no snow, we found a hill in the shade where there was enough snow to go crazy sledding and went wild.. it was so much fun.
I guess the reason I enjoyed the weekend so much was the it was probably the first time since I've been here that I really felt at home.. I wasn't worried about what people would think of me, I didn't feel awkward just sitting in the common room and studying.. I played cards with people I liked until all hours of the night.. I guess I'm coming to realize that RUF really is becoming "mine", in a very good way.. it will never replace Young Life (and I did heave a couple of sighs over missing the winter conference this weekend), but I can still love the people just as much.
The speaker over the weekend was Stuart, the pastor from Grace (and the sermons were the thing about Grace that I wholeheartedly approve of). The first message was on loving God, the second was on loving others. In a "divine moment" that I felt like really hasn't happened in a long time, the second message was made for me. He talked about people that have been so hurt by love that they build up walls and feel like it will just be better for them never to let anyone get close and how that is not part of God's plan at all, and if we let Him teach us how to love and let our love come from Him, then everything will be ok. I was really struggling this week with disillusionment, feeling like there really is no reason to ever let people get close to you because all anyone does is disappoint you and there is no real love in this world, only pain. And his sermon really, really helped me. It was great, because I went into the retreat not expecting any kind of spiritual renewal, but I was so overwhelmed by God's grace and love that it was just really neat. :) (And I remembered all the years that I went to the winter conference longing for renewal, and then was disappointed.)
So now I'm back, relaxed, renewed, and refreshed, and ready to dive into the last few weeks of the quarter.
I guess the reason I enjoyed the weekend so much was the it was probably the first time since I've been here that I really felt at home.. I wasn't worried about what people would think of me, I didn't feel awkward just sitting in the common room and studying.. I played cards with people I liked until all hours of the night.. I guess I'm coming to realize that RUF really is becoming "mine", in a very good way.. it will never replace Young Life (and I did heave a couple of sighs over missing the winter conference this weekend), but I can still love the people just as much.
The speaker over the weekend was Stuart, the pastor from Grace (and the sermons were the thing about Grace that I wholeheartedly approve of). The first message was on loving God, the second was on loving others. In a "divine moment" that I felt like really hasn't happened in a long time, the second message was made for me. He talked about people that have been so hurt by love that they build up walls and feel like it will just be better for them never to let anyone get close and how that is not part of God's plan at all, and if we let Him teach us how to love and let our love come from Him, then everything will be ok. I was really struggling this week with disillusionment, feeling like there really is no reason to ever let people get close to you because all anyone does is disappoint you and there is no real love in this world, only pain. And his sermon really, really helped me. It was great, because I went into the retreat not expecting any kind of spiritual renewal, but I was so overwhelmed by God's grace and love that it was just really neat. :) (And I remembered all the years that I went to the winter conference longing for renewal, and then was disappointed.)
So now I'm back, relaxed, renewed, and refreshed, and ready to dive into the last few weeks of the quarter.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Yesterday, a guy asked me to move into his apartment with him.
His name is Aiden, he is four years old, and I am in love. ;) Even though I know I've mentioned this before, I really wanted to reiterate how much I love my job, what happiness it brings me, and how I feel about my kids. Aiden is a completely new blessing: he just started coming a few weeks ago, and has already decided that I am his very favorite teacher. His mom says he talks about me all the time (it's awesome when you realize that not only do you remember them, but they also remember you!). Yesterday, he was having a hard day, and wanted to do absolutely nothing but sit in my lap. In the afternoon, I was in charge of the art area and also of timing the kids' turns at the computer, so Aiden got really good at hopping up every ten minutes and informing the child at the computer that it was time to switch. :)
Just to show you how absolutely precious and wonderful my children are, here are some ridiculous and silly things they said while we were talking yesterday:
Ferran: My daddy works at Northwestern!
Me: Really? That's awesome. Alice, where does your daddy work?
Alice: In a tall building.
Jovan: I can't go outside, 'cause I'm allergic to snowflakes.
Me: Faith, can your sister play the violin?
Faith: Sometimes.
The most heartrending things happened yesterday as well, though. Apparently Ferran's parents are divorced, and every month they fight over who will pay tuition for Ferran to continue to come to school. According to the director, Ferran had already been coming for two weeks without paying, and unless his parents paid, could not continue to come to school any longer. So, at the end of the day, Ferran asked me if I knew "the news" about tomorrow: whether he could come back or not. He was so sad, it absolutely broke me heart. The fact that the parents' arguement was affecting his life so directly and dramatically just seemed.. horrible.
Also, we have a wonderful girl, Jade, who has recently moved into a foster home. All day yesterday, she was absolutely certain that her mommy was going to come pick her up. "My mommy's going to come get me after nap," she told me again and again. Regular pick up time is between 4:30 and 5:30. A handful of children from the entire school stay until 6. As the time moved on, closer and closer to 5:30, Jade kept saying, "My mommy's coming soon! My mommy's coming soon!" And no one came. We moved to the other building, with the "late" children, and she started asking, "Jackie, where's my mommy?" Five minutes before six, a teenage boy walked in, apparently her babysitter at her foster home. Jade went into hysterics, screaming that no, her mommy told her on the phone she was going to come pick her up, no she didn't want to go home with Roy... eventually he took her away, but the difficulties in her life touched and saddened mine.
I guess my work makes me appreciate my incredible and irreplaceable childhood, my wonderful parents, and my full and very happy life. It makes me appreciate the little things in life (like running around with excitement because there's a ladybug in the classroom.. or learning to draw a heart and thinking it's the most incredible thing ever) and enjoy myself every minute.
I LOVE YOU, GROUP E! :)
His name is Aiden, he is four years old, and I am in love. ;) Even though I know I've mentioned this before, I really wanted to reiterate how much I love my job, what happiness it brings me, and how I feel about my kids. Aiden is a completely new blessing: he just started coming a few weeks ago, and has already decided that I am his very favorite teacher. His mom says he talks about me all the time (it's awesome when you realize that not only do you remember them, but they also remember you!). Yesterday, he was having a hard day, and wanted to do absolutely nothing but sit in my lap. In the afternoon, I was in charge of the art area and also of timing the kids' turns at the computer, so Aiden got really good at hopping up every ten minutes and informing the child at the computer that it was time to switch. :)
Just to show you how absolutely precious and wonderful my children are, here are some ridiculous and silly things they said while we were talking yesterday:
Ferran: My daddy works at Northwestern!
Me: Really? That's awesome. Alice, where does your daddy work?
Alice: In a tall building.
Jovan: I can't go outside, 'cause I'm allergic to snowflakes.
Me: Faith, can your sister play the violin?
Faith: Sometimes.
The most heartrending things happened yesterday as well, though. Apparently Ferran's parents are divorced, and every month they fight over who will pay tuition for Ferran to continue to come to school. According to the director, Ferran had already been coming for two weeks without paying, and unless his parents paid, could not continue to come to school any longer. So, at the end of the day, Ferran asked me if I knew "the news" about tomorrow: whether he could come back or not. He was so sad, it absolutely broke me heart. The fact that the parents' arguement was affecting his life so directly and dramatically just seemed.. horrible.
Also, we have a wonderful girl, Jade, who has recently moved into a foster home. All day yesterday, she was absolutely certain that her mommy was going to come pick her up. "My mommy's going to come get me after nap," she told me again and again. Regular pick up time is between 4:30 and 5:30. A handful of children from the entire school stay until 6. As the time moved on, closer and closer to 5:30, Jade kept saying, "My mommy's coming soon! My mommy's coming soon!" And no one came. We moved to the other building, with the "late" children, and she started asking, "Jackie, where's my mommy?" Five minutes before six, a teenage boy walked in, apparently her babysitter at her foster home. Jade went into hysterics, screaming that no, her mommy told her on the phone she was going to come pick her up, no she didn't want to go home with Roy... eventually he took her away, but the difficulties in her life touched and saddened mine.
I guess my work makes me appreciate my incredible and irreplaceable childhood, my wonderful parents, and my full and very happy life. It makes me appreciate the little things in life (like running around with excitement because there's a ladybug in the classroom.. or learning to draw a heart and thinking it's the most incredible thing ever) and enjoy myself every minute.
I LOVE YOU, GROUP E! :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I am lying on my bed after my marathon Thursday, utterly exhausted, listening to the German version of Thumbelina's "Let Me Be Your Wings" and trying to figure out how long I can wait until I have to start my homework.
My day started most definitely in the middle of a REM cycle. I did manage to roll myself out of bed and get to work only 10 minutes late, though, which was not a problem. The teacher at work gave me a cup full of Cheerios when I got in the door (breakfast! Since they figured out that I'm a poor college student, both the teachers want to make sure I can eat at work, so I don't have to "waste" meals on things like eating. I love them so much) and we headed upstairs to their Montessori classroom. An awesome thing I've been doing this quarter is coming in the mornings on Thursdays, so I get to see them actually doing official Montessori work. I realized that my favorite, Ferran, knows all his letters, and can actually spell some words. He's four, but I had just never seen him doing any of that before.
At 10:30, I zoomed off to my Politcal Science class in Tech. The 25 minute walk was infinitely more pleasant than last week (last week, with windchill the temperature was -25 degrees Farenheit, so today's +15 felt absolutely balmy). I was incredibly exhausted, so I used my points to buy a can of Starbucks energy/caffeine something or other from "Lisa's Cafe." It did manage to keep me awake during my 90 minute lecture, but by the time it was over, I felt ready to collapse. My lecture gets out at 12:20 and my discussion section starts at 1. Usually, I use those 40 minutes to buy a salad and go over the readings for discussion to be sure I'm able to discuss things intelligently. Well. Today I passed another initiation in the life of a college student. Tech has incredible couches outside of all the huge lecture halls. Instead of getting lunch, I curled up in the corner of one, put my headphones in and my hood up and slept for thirty minutes. It was absolutely incredible.. I was then able to go to discussion awake and refreshed. I just felt like such a college student, sleeping in an extremely public place.. but the funny thing was that about every other couch has a sleeping occupant in the corner.. sometimes they even stretch out, occupying the whole thing. Obviously, that was one of the things I never thought I would do, because that's just so ridiculous, but the kind of late nights that I've been pulling made me rethink that. :)
At work this afternoon, for the third time in a row, they pulled me from my kids to strange children in another group. This makes me very unhappy.. but I try and be flexible and work wherever they need me. I just have the feeling that this is going to be a pattern, and I feel so inadequate when I don't know the group's routine, the kids.. and I feel extremely unhelpful. My motto this week at work has been, "You only have to show me once, but you have to show me once." The first teacher was incredibly unhelpful and got angry with me for not performing my tasks (which I was unaware of).. anyway. But this class (Group D) won all the awards for unusual names. Not one kids had a "normal" name.. I wondered if maybe they categorized them that way on purpose: "oh, you have a strange name.. off to group D!" I think the most normal were Asher and Clive. (Meaning, the names that I had heard before.) Nakaya (girl), Durius (boy), and Dresdon (also boy) were possibly the most unusual.
After work it was back to Chapin for my mystery class, and now it's fifteen minutes after I first started writing this, my German "A Whole New World" has also ended, and I'll probably go and try to get some work done. Tomorrow is another busy day!
My day started most definitely in the middle of a REM cycle. I did manage to roll myself out of bed and get to work only 10 minutes late, though, which was not a problem. The teacher at work gave me a cup full of Cheerios when I got in the door (breakfast! Since they figured out that I'm a poor college student, both the teachers want to make sure I can eat at work, so I don't have to "waste" meals on things like eating. I love them so much) and we headed upstairs to their Montessori classroom. An awesome thing I've been doing this quarter is coming in the mornings on Thursdays, so I get to see them actually doing official Montessori work. I realized that my favorite, Ferran, knows all his letters, and can actually spell some words. He's four, but I had just never seen him doing any of that before.
At 10:30, I zoomed off to my Politcal Science class in Tech. The 25 minute walk was infinitely more pleasant than last week (last week, with windchill the temperature was -25 degrees Farenheit, so today's +15 felt absolutely balmy). I was incredibly exhausted, so I used my points to buy a can of Starbucks energy/caffeine something or other from "Lisa's Cafe." It did manage to keep me awake during my 90 minute lecture, but by the time it was over, I felt ready to collapse. My lecture gets out at 12:20 and my discussion section starts at 1. Usually, I use those 40 minutes to buy a salad and go over the readings for discussion to be sure I'm able to discuss things intelligently. Well. Today I passed another initiation in the life of a college student. Tech has incredible couches outside of all the huge lecture halls. Instead of getting lunch, I curled up in the corner of one, put my headphones in and my hood up and slept for thirty minutes. It was absolutely incredible.. I was then able to go to discussion awake and refreshed. I just felt like such a college student, sleeping in an extremely public place.. but the funny thing was that about every other couch has a sleeping occupant in the corner.. sometimes they even stretch out, occupying the whole thing. Obviously, that was one of the things I never thought I would do, because that's just so ridiculous, but the kind of late nights that I've been pulling made me rethink that. :)
At work this afternoon, for the third time in a row, they pulled me from my kids to strange children in another group. This makes me very unhappy.. but I try and be flexible and work wherever they need me. I just have the feeling that this is going to be a pattern, and I feel so inadequate when I don't know the group's routine, the kids.. and I feel extremely unhelpful. My motto this week at work has been, "You only have to show me once, but you have to show me once." The first teacher was incredibly unhelpful and got angry with me for not performing my tasks (which I was unaware of).. anyway. But this class (Group D) won all the awards for unusual names. Not one kids had a "normal" name.. I wondered if maybe they categorized them that way on purpose: "oh, you have a strange name.. off to group D!" I think the most normal were Asher and Clive. (Meaning, the names that I had heard before.) Nakaya (girl), Durius (boy), and Dresdon (also boy) were possibly the most unusual.
After work it was back to Chapin for my mystery class, and now it's fifteen minutes after I first started writing this, my German "A Whole New World" has also ended, and I'll probably go and try to get some work done. Tomorrow is another busy day!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Redefining busy...
If I thought I knew what being busy was before this quarter, I was drastically wrong. The last week has shown me just how little I ever understood about really being busy- and yet I'm also coming to understand the insane amount that God is enabling me to accomplish. The knowledge that He is giving me strength to get through each day and to keep going full steam all the time is what gets me through the times when I am so busy that I have no time to breathe.
This weekend, though, is a really nice and relaxing weekend. I only have one research project to do, and I'm about to go to the library and take care of that, but otherwise, I just have reading. Medill decided to give us the week off from insane assignments, and all I have to do is photograph an event on MLK day and pick a place to do a bio piece on for Wednesday. Incredible, I know. And usually I have papers due every Monday, but this week Monday is a holiday, and our paper was cancelled! So essentially, I am enraptured by this blessing of free time- and I'm definitely enjoying it to the fullest! Yesterday, I read 2 Agatha Christies (one of them was for class.. my very favorite class is a mystery tutorial, where every week we read a couple of mystery novels and discuss the development of the novel.. it is incredible!), watched the final episode of Survivor with my roommate, worked out, went out to lunch with a friend, and sat on the floor of my hall with girls talking the night away. Relaxing? I should say so.
Another revelation I had yesterday came from watching The Devil Wears Prada. Now, I had seen this movie before, but not recently enough to realize how scarily close it could be to my life. See, the main character is a journalist who graduated from Northwestern and went to New York looking for a big job to start off her career. Of course, the movie is a bit extreme, but I could see a lot of parallels to my life in it. Just sk Tricia.. I kept yelling, "This could be me!!" at opportune (or maybe inopportune?) moments. But the possibility of a life filled with craziness doesn't faze me.. and in fact it excites me! Someday, I will be the person running around everywhere, someday I will learn to operate under high stress and fulfill the wishes of my boss and my company, someday I will change my small corner of the world. They say that if you want to change the world, don't be a journalist.. but I plan to impact the place where I live and the people around me. And even as a journalist, I'll bet I can do that.
This weekend, though, is a really nice and relaxing weekend. I only have one research project to do, and I'm about to go to the library and take care of that, but otherwise, I just have reading. Medill decided to give us the week off from insane assignments, and all I have to do is photograph an event on MLK day and pick a place to do a bio piece on for Wednesday. Incredible, I know. And usually I have papers due every Monday, but this week Monday is a holiday, and our paper was cancelled! So essentially, I am enraptured by this blessing of free time- and I'm definitely enjoying it to the fullest! Yesterday, I read 2 Agatha Christies (one of them was for class.. my very favorite class is a mystery tutorial, where every week we read a couple of mystery novels and discuss the development of the novel.. it is incredible!), watched the final episode of Survivor with my roommate, worked out, went out to lunch with a friend, and sat on the floor of my hall with girls talking the night away. Relaxing? I should say so.
Another revelation I had yesterday came from watching The Devil Wears Prada. Now, I had seen this movie before, but not recently enough to realize how scarily close it could be to my life. See, the main character is a journalist who graduated from Northwestern and went to New York looking for a big job to start off her career. Of course, the movie is a bit extreme, but I could see a lot of parallels to my life in it. Just sk Tricia.. I kept yelling, "This could be me!!" at opportune (or maybe inopportune?) moments. But the possibility of a life filled with craziness doesn't faze me.. and in fact it excites me! Someday, I will be the person running around everywhere, someday I will learn to operate under high stress and fulfill the wishes of my boss and my company, someday I will change my small corner of the world. They say that if you want to change the world, don't be a journalist.. but I plan to impact the place where I live and the people around me. And even as a journalist, I'll bet I can do that.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Happy New Year and welcome back to school...
After an incredible three weeks away from school and with my family, I was a bit shocked to come back to school and be hit by the insane amount of work that comes with being a Medill student. But I'm getting into the groove now, which is good, considering that I'm possibly twice as busy this quarter as I was last quarter. I feel that maybe, just maybe, I might be working to my full potential. When every second is planned, every hour mapped out so that I am doing something that accomplishes and/or furthers my goals and plans, I feel so happy and successful. Today, for example, is my craziest day: start work at 8:30, work til 10:30 when I run to class in Tech which starts at 11 (and yes, I do have to run.. Tech is 15 minutes away from my dorm, and my work is 10 minutes away, in the opposite direction), have class til 2, then run back to work and work til 5:30. At 5:30, I dash back to Chapin for my 6-9 class. Exciting? I should say so. But I thrive under pressure and find myself enjoying the fact that I have absolutely no time at all. Oh, and of course I forgot to mention the metric tons of homework which must be accomplished every night.
My current Medill challenge is an article suitable for publication in Chicago Bride. I thought and thought and finally came up with a pitch to write something about how the current economic recession is affecting weddings and brides, kind of like an advice column about how to plan a beautiful but cheap wedding. Tomorrow after class, I'll go talk to dress salons, florists, and bakeries, to see what they can tell me. Hopefully, I'll find customers in some of them who will be willing to tell me about their personal experiences, or at least give some insight. I hope I can pull it off.. my current journalism professor is not quite as marvelous as my first one, and I can already tell that she expects much, much more of us than was expected in 201-1. The level of professionalism that she expects us to uphold and the ease with which she expects us to maintain it.. let's just say I'm not quite there yet. But challenges are good, and hopefully she will push me but not break me.
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering how I managed to be posting in the middle of my self-proclaimed insane day.. I'm at work, watching the desk. Which, to tell the absolute truth, is a terribly depressing thing to do. Instead of sitting and playing with small children, I have to sit at a desk and do nothing, unless someone walks up to the door, in which case I press a button and let them in. Stimulating, I know.
My current Medill challenge is an article suitable for publication in Chicago Bride. I thought and thought and finally came up with a pitch to write something about how the current economic recession is affecting weddings and brides, kind of like an advice column about how to plan a beautiful but cheap wedding. Tomorrow after class, I'll go talk to dress salons, florists, and bakeries, to see what they can tell me. Hopefully, I'll find customers in some of them who will be willing to tell me about their personal experiences, or at least give some insight. I hope I can pull it off.. my current journalism professor is not quite as marvelous as my first one, and I can already tell that she expects much, much more of us than was expected in 201-1. The level of professionalism that she expects us to uphold and the ease with which she expects us to maintain it.. let's just say I'm not quite there yet. But challenges are good, and hopefully she will push me but not break me.
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering how I managed to be posting in the middle of my self-proclaimed insane day.. I'm at work, watching the desk. Which, to tell the absolute truth, is a terribly depressing thing to do. Instead of sitting and playing with small children, I have to sit at a desk and do nothing, unless someone walks up to the door, in which case I press a button and let them in. Stimulating, I know.
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